| | Today is my parents' 24th anniversary.
I laid out today and managed to get my stomach and upper legs a little pink. Whoops. I was gonna stay outside, but the sun just got too hot so I came in... took a bath... blow-dried my hair, which is retarded because no matter what I do with it, it does what it wants. It needs an attitude adjustment. Maybe it's mad at me for letting it be this washed-out icky reddish-blonde-light-brown color.
I've been having the hardest time picking out what I want to wear. I'll get one outfit on and then change like five times. It's ridiculous. It's probably just reflecting what's going on in my head. Still kinda messed up.
I thought this summer would be better. A true break from school... a constructive and productive summer filled with hanging out with people and exercising... HA. It's been a summer with quitting a job, my grandpa dying unexpectedly, going to Bolivia (which was awesome, but I had no time to process anything afterwards...), having a grueling week with my side of my relationship with Aaron... reminiscing back to three summers ago when things were good... very good.
The past two summers have also been good, but in different ways. Two summers ago Aaron and I started dating, last summer we celebrated one year... but last summer was also filled with anxiety of starting life at Bradley.
I think I spend too much time in the past and in the future and not much in the present. I spend too much time wishing for the past and worrying about the future.
I need to just live.
"And you can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing that seasons do..."
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| | Posted 6/22/2005 3:49 PM - 12 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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